And it finally happens...

Today was my first 'breaking into tears' day on the job. It was such a rough day all around, and by the end of it, I just couldn't hold them in. Let's start at the beginning...

This morning I had the pleasure of addressing students making fun of a classmate for his mother's sexual orientation. One of the kids was legitimately apologetic. The other, not so much. We had to discuss how:
1.) The topic of a parent's life choice has nothing to do with school,
2.) The topic of a parent's life choice has nothing to do with the son,
3.) The topic of a parent's life choice is none of the other student's business.

Yes, the mother has it available to view online by others but that doesn't give a student the right to make fun of the parent's child. After we wrote a plan and discussed his behavior, we had to have another discussion because his apology was lacking in sincerity. I asked him to put himself in that position and think about how embarrassed he would be if someone did that to him in front of his entire class.

My second encounter with drama came before electives. I asked one of my students to remove his hood, as they are not permitted in the building. After choosing not to, I finally let him know that wearing hoods in the building is against the dress code and if he didn't take it off, I'd have to send him to the office. At this point he begins crying and tells me he is embarrassed about his new haircut. So, I try my best to encourage him but still let him know the hood must go. After a good 15 minute conversation, he relented and the hood was off.

After recess, our behavior in the classroom was atrocious. We had to practice our procedures numerous times because control just went out the window. We finally had to stop our fun Social Studies project because they just couldn't handle following directions. Days like this are so stressful!

And to top off an already rough day, hood boy did a repeat performance of his crying at the end of the day. He did have a bit of a rough day. He was sent to the Buddy Room for consistent talking. I had to get on to him during AR time for not reading (which is a daily struggle). He had a lock taken away from him because he was playing with it. And while getting his backpack, I asked him to spit out his candy, which really irritated him. If he would have just waited 5 more minutes until dismissal to eat it, he could have kept it.

The final straw was when he hit a kid who was annoying him. Granted the annoying kid honestly deserved it (he has issues with bothering others and not respecting personal space) but he can't hit kids. So in the middle of this discussion he starts crying again. I try so hard to talk with him about what's making him feel this way. Is it parents, siblings, classmates, the hair, himself, me? But he just shakes his head "no" to everything I ask. At this point, I'm getting upset because I hate that a student is leaving my classroom feeling this way. I ask him if I'm doing something to make him feel this way and tell him though other teachers may not have taken his feelings into account, I really want to know if there's something I can change to help him. But he never relents, just continues to shake his head. I finally tell him it breaks my heart to have him leave this way, that I want my students to leave my room feeling happy. I let him know I am here if he wants to talk and I want to make my room a safe place for him. He did say he believes me when I tell him I want our room to be a safe, happy place for him which gives me hope.

But I was so heartbroken when he finally left. I cried for a good 10 minutes, going over and over our day, wondering if I did something wrong or could have done something different for him. It was a really hard pill for me to swallow, to know that my efforts of comforting a child were unsuccessful. I know they won't all feel comfortable enough to open up, but I still held out hope. Another day of school, another lesson learned. I hope tomorrow will be better...

Exhausted.

The title for this post seems to reflect how I feel all the time these days. I am just utterly exhausted (which is part of the reason I haven't updated since Aug.)! Yet, however exhausted I may become, at the end of the day, I still love what I'm doing.

Last Friday, I had my first field trip! I was so surprised at how well everything turned out! The kids were so great, even those we struggle with daily. And the parent chaperones turnout was awesome as well. We took the kiddos to the State Fair Academy. Needless to say, when my coworkers told me our first field trip would be to the State Fair, I was a bit worried. However, the educational exhibits they had set up were good. We were able to see baby goats, pigs, and chicks. We got to see some huge Clydesdales as well. There was a creative arts center where the students got to do some art which they liked. And of course, the baby pig races were tons of fun! One important thing I learned from this adventure however, was this: field trips take just as much, if not more energy, than actual teaching. I never slept so hard in my life as I did the night I got home!

I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that in a week, I will be a quarter of the way finished with this school year. Right now, I am getting things together for parent-teacher conferences. I'm surprisingly not as nervous about this as I thought I would be. I'm sure that will change as the days get closer. It just seems to surreal to me that it's already time to for report cards and meeting with parents. Where has the time gone?

Academically, I think things are going well for my class and I. I struggled with Math for a bit, thinking my kids weren't going to take to Investigations, but I have hope and things are getting better everyday! I know this curriculum is new to them and I need to keep that in mind. But I realized today how badly students need a curriculum like Investigations: one that's hands on and inquiry-based. One of my boys today solved his equations but hadn't written anything on his paper. I told him he needed to write down how he got his answers (which were right) and he said "I don't know, I just know the answers." So I sat down with him and together we worked it step by step, the way he did in his head. I was just so surprised that he couldn't communicate in words (or numbers and symbols) what he did. I wish the 4th graders this year were taught Investigations so they would have some knowledge before they come to 5th grade. Oh well...

I think I'll sign off with a positive note. And what a wonderfully positive note it is! Our superintendent informed us during our staff meeting on Tuesday that, pending funds approval, every teacher will be getting a SMARTBoard! This is so, so exciting! I am really hoping we get them by next semester. I think my kids will really respond well to one and it will help keep their attention. There have been so many times already this year I have caught myself thinking, "If only I had a SMARTBoard." Now, I no longer have to worry! This is such a blessing and I'm so thankful that my kids and I will have this amazing opportunity to increase our learning!

In-Service and Meet-the-Teacher

Yesterday was my first day of teacher in-service. It was fantastic to meet with all the teachers and discuss our passion for learning with one another. I am very pleased with the administration and their efforts to make this a productive and successful school year for our kids. I believe we have a wonderful principal who is consistently on our side and looking out for our needs, as well as the students' needs.

I also received a wonderful phone call yesterday. Apparently a professional businesswoman's group in Pottowatomie County wants to sponsor a first year teacher and provide her with funds to set up her classroom. And guess who they chose?! Me! I talked with a woman later that afternoon who said the group would be meeting Tues. night to decide how much money they were alloting me. She said she'd call later this week and let me know what they decide. I am very thankful for this wonderful blessing!'

To say that today was a very long day would be an understatement! In-service, though helpful, seemed to last forever. Once it was finally 1:00pm, it was back to finishing up the room for Meet-the-Teacher. With the help of my parents, I was ready to go by 5:00pm. Before Meet-the-Teacher night began, I met with some of the other teachers and took a prayer walk around the school. We stopped in all the hallways and prayed for those teachers, staff, and students who would be working and learning in those classrooms each day. It was wonderful to see how many sisters in Christ I have at my school. We had about 25 come and pray together. God will be ever-present in the halls of our school and I couldn't be happier about that!

I was very pleased with my parent turnout tonight. I had 15 out of 19 families come to meet me and see the new classroom. It was very encouraging to see so many parents take interest in their child's classroom and teacher. I think parent involvement will be pretty great in my class. Everything went very smoothly. There were, of course, those times I had to run across the hall and check about a certain procedure or two but all in all, it was a good evening.

Tomorrow brings more professional development meetings and more classroom setup and curriculum planning. I know that I will probably never get it all done but such is life. I am trying to push the nerves aside and remember I completed my education program successfully and my school hired me for a reason. I have been taught well and have a great support of faculty and friends who I can turn to for advice and assistance. I will survive this year and it will be fantastic! Only one more day until it begins...

It's Official.

One week from today I will officially become responsible for educating the minds of 18 19 wonderful students! It still seems a bit surreal to me that I am old enough to be teaching, especially at the elementary school I attended. But, OSU has done a wonderful job helping me become as prepared as possible for the school year ahead.

I met with my teaching team today to discuss curriculum and decorate the 5th grade hall. I feel very blessed to be working with such wonderful ladies. I believe I will benefit from having both a seasoned teacher and one who has been teaching just a couple years longer than myself. I am also grateful to work with a fellow Westwood ExCEL teacher. We have very similar views on classroom management and inquiry learning which makes working together a breeze.

I am still trying to finish organizing and decorating my room. Every day I come into my room feeling overwhelmed by all the work left to do and I leave each evening feeling even more overwhelmed than when I came. However, I wouldn't change it for the world. I love what I do and believe in what I do. I know it will just take some time and experience for those overwhelming feels to lessen. So far, my walls are done, my layout is complete, and my reading area is almost ready. I have some bulletin boards ready to go, but others still need work. I know during the upcoming weekend and the beginning of next week I will be living in my room! But I know I'll have it all together and ready to go for Meet-the-Teacher night on Tuesday!