And it finally happens...

Today was my first 'breaking into tears' day on the job. It was such a rough day all around, and by the end of it, I just couldn't hold them in. Let's start at the beginning...

This morning I had the pleasure of addressing students making fun of a classmate for his mother's sexual orientation. One of the kids was legitimately apologetic. The other, not so much. We had to discuss how:
1.) The topic of a parent's life choice has nothing to do with school,
2.) The topic of a parent's life choice has nothing to do with the son,
3.) The topic of a parent's life choice is none of the other student's business.

Yes, the mother has it available to view online by others but that doesn't give a student the right to make fun of the parent's child. After we wrote a plan and discussed his behavior, we had to have another discussion because his apology was lacking in sincerity. I asked him to put himself in that position and think about how embarrassed he would be if someone did that to him in front of his entire class.

My second encounter with drama came before electives. I asked one of my students to remove his hood, as they are not permitted in the building. After choosing not to, I finally let him know that wearing hoods in the building is against the dress code and if he didn't take it off, I'd have to send him to the office. At this point he begins crying and tells me he is embarrassed about his new haircut. So, I try my best to encourage him but still let him know the hood must go. After a good 15 minute conversation, he relented and the hood was off.

After recess, our behavior in the classroom was atrocious. We had to practice our procedures numerous times because control just went out the window. We finally had to stop our fun Social Studies project because they just couldn't handle following directions. Days like this are so stressful!

And to top off an already rough day, hood boy did a repeat performance of his crying at the end of the day. He did have a bit of a rough day. He was sent to the Buddy Room for consistent talking. I had to get on to him during AR time for not reading (which is a daily struggle). He had a lock taken away from him because he was playing with it. And while getting his backpack, I asked him to spit out his candy, which really irritated him. If he would have just waited 5 more minutes until dismissal to eat it, he could have kept it.

The final straw was when he hit a kid who was annoying him. Granted the annoying kid honestly deserved it (he has issues with bothering others and not respecting personal space) but he can't hit kids. So in the middle of this discussion he starts crying again. I try so hard to talk with him about what's making him feel this way. Is it parents, siblings, classmates, the hair, himself, me? But he just shakes his head "no" to everything I ask. At this point, I'm getting upset because I hate that a student is leaving my classroom feeling this way. I ask him if I'm doing something to make him feel this way and tell him though other teachers may not have taken his feelings into account, I really want to know if there's something I can change to help him. But he never relents, just continues to shake his head. I finally tell him it breaks my heart to have him leave this way, that I want my students to leave my room feeling happy. I let him know I am here if he wants to talk and I want to make my room a safe place for him. He did say he believes me when I tell him I want our room to be a safe, happy place for him which gives me hope.

But I was so heartbroken when he finally left. I cried for a good 10 minutes, going over and over our day, wondering if I did something wrong or could have done something different for him. It was a really hard pill for me to swallow, to know that my efforts of comforting a child were unsuccessful. I know they won't all feel comfortable enough to open up, but I still held out hope. Another day of school, another lesson learned. I hope tomorrow will be better...